Read The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass by Bill Maher Online


From bestselling author and host of HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher's new book of political riffs serves up a savagely funny set of rules for preserving sanity in an insane world A follow-up to the New York Times bestselling The New Rules, The New New Rules delivers a series of hilarious, intelligent rants on everything from same-sex marriage to healthcare, from Republican ag From bestselling author and host of HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher's new book of political riffs serves up a savagely funny set of rules for preserving sanity in an insane world A follow-up to the New York Times bestselling The New Rules, The New New Rules delivers a series of hilarious, intelligent rants on everything from same-sex marriage to healthcare, from Republican agendas to celebrity meltdowns, with all the razor-sharp insight that has made Bill Maher one of the most influential comedic voices shaping the political debate today. With another presidential campaign on the horizon and a stellar set of real- life characters to have fun with-"New Rule: If Charlie Sheen's home life means he can't have a TV show, then I say Newt Gingrich can't be president"-this enlightening and important book may be the best thing you pretend to read all year....

Title : The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780399158414
Format Type : Hardcover
Number of Pages : 354 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass Reviews

  • Amanda
    2019-05-19 08:49

    A collection of "New Rules" (brief and sarcastic commentaries on the idiocy of pop culture and the oxygen thieves who drive it) and essays from his closing segment on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, The New New Rules has some obscenely hysterical and politically incorrect moments, as well as enough Sarah Palin slams to keep me smiling for a week. I give Maher credit for doing exactly what a lot of politicians should be doing right now: sticking to his convictions and calling things as he sees them with no allegiances to anything other than what he sees as the truth. He mocks Republican stupidity and Democratic impotency and takes politicians who are in the pocket of corporations to task. Sure, he's kind of an unapologetic asshole while doing it, but at least he's intelligent, funny, and (more often than not) right. So why didn't I give the book higher than a 3 star? I love Bill Maher's Real Time and faithfully tune in each week. I realized after the fact that I probably would have enjoyed the book more if I had purchased the audiobook version. His delivery adds to the sly sarcasm as Maher knows how to bring the snark. Fortunately, I've seen enough of the show that I could "hear" Maher reading this as I read along. And that brings me to the other problem. I'm such a devotee of the show that I had actually seen a lot of this material before, and the pre-2011 stuff seemed pretty stale in terms of relevancy. It's also not the kind of book to read in one sitting (although it would be very easy to do). I had to dip in and out of it while reading other books, but found that it made for a nice "palate cleanser" between book selections. This is well worth a read for those who enjoy this brand of offensive humor, don't watch the show too often, or are diehard Maher fans.Cross posted at This Insignificant Cinder

  • These Violent Delights (Robin)
    2019-05-24 08:43

    I've always been a big fan of Bill Maher's HBO show: Real Time with Bill Maher and so reading this was inevitable for me. This book contains some of Bill's New Rules that didn't make it onto his show and others were some of his favorites. There were some extended New Rules in each section, and those tended to be my favorites.Even though Bill Maher is a liberal, he isn't above admitting liberal faults. & so even though I don't consider myself a liberal, I understand and for the most part agree with Bill's points. It also helps that he doesn't deliver false news just to appease his viewers, he isn't afraid/ against telling the truth. Getting the truth on media sites/ channels is a very difficult thing now a days because all they care about is their ratings. Back on to the New Rules in this book and Bill's New Rules in general. Bill's humor can sometimes be hard to swallow for certain groups of people and I can understand that. I understand that each New Rule on his show/in his book start with something that is true but is wrong and he makes a 'New Rule' for them. If that makes any sense. Anyway, I love Bill because of his straightforwardness and willingness to admit when he was wrong and he expects the same to be returned to him.

  • Carol
    2019-06-04 11:22

    If you love New Rules segment on Real Time with Bill Maher, you will love this book. The audio book is narrated by Bill Maher which is quite hilarious! Some new rules left me laughing so hard my sides hurt.

  • Tim Niland
    2019-06-05 06:46

    Comedian and commentator Bill Maher takes snippets from the commentaries from his HBO program and adds them to short vignettes about life in the modern United States and comes up with a very funny and occasionally thought provoking book. In the New Rules segment at the end of each television program, he adds humorous editorials on popular culture and American politics, and many of the more recent ones are included here. The order is alphabetical by topic rather than chronological by date, which can make things seem a little jumbled at times, but the book is more about satire than serious scholarship, so its no big deal. Maher skewers politicians from both sides of the political spectrum and also takes swipes at big business and fatcats of all stripes. While his pro-drug, anti-war statements may turn off people, his scathing wit is often laugh-out-loud funny, and should make this short book appealing to people who don't take themselves too seriously.

  • Becky
    2019-06-02 04:49

    I decided to make mini fruit skewers for the office potluck tomorrow, so, being the multi-tasker that I am, I decided to listen to an audiobook while I shoved sharp sticks through unsuspecting and defenseless fruit pieces. It was kind of an apt activity, listening to this particular audiobook, because there was pretty much nobody that Bill skipped taking a jab at. Yeah, yeah... It's bedtime. Whatever, Grammar Cat. Anyway, Bill Maher is a funny, irreverent fucking guy. I don't agree with everything that he says, but I do appreciate the humor, regardless and I enjoyed this book. That is all.

  • Dan
    2019-05-18 05:24

    I thought Bill Maher was funny. I liked POLITICALLY INCORRECT and RELIGULOUS. So I downloaded this audiobook from my library. I listened to about 30 minutes of it and died of boredom.Bill Maher's circa-2004 jokes (Lindsay Lohan is a drunk coke-head, Britney Spears is a slutty trampy hookery whore, Andy Dick is a disgusting spaz, George W. Bush is a man-child, etc) are just are so predictable and unfunny that you kinda feel sorry for the guy. The rest just come across as an old man shaking his cane and ranting about the kids these days. Texting while driving. BlueToothing while walking. XBOXing while...something, I don't even remember. Yeah, some of the jokes are collected from his REAL TIME monologues over the years so sure, you'd expect a few to be a bit dated. I get that. But most of them are new, meaning his joke about the meat in a Taco Bell burrito is actually the remains of their mascot was written specifically for this book, published in 2011. The chihuahua! Get it? Dog meat in a burrito! hahahahahaha....come on, you guys remember the chihuahua right? From the TV commercials? He'd speak in a Mexican accent and it was cute and sorta racist at the same time? It was only like 14 years ago! Guys? Guys...??? *crickets*.UUUUUUUUGH. It's like Bill Maher stole the Tonight Show from Conan O'Brien.

  • Bita
    2019-06-08 05:48

    I love this guy. He is so funny.

  • Traci
    2019-06-03 06:44

    You have to say one thing for Bill Maher: the man speaks his mind and makes no apologies for doing so. If you're not familiar with the sometimes-caustic, liberal host of HBO's Real Time, then you most likely picked up this book by mistake. I used to watch Maher when his show was still on "regular" television, before he spoke up about something, got everyone's panties in a twist, and had to go back to HBO. Yes, that should tell you something right there: he used to be on cable, moved to late-night TV, then went back to cable. Maher's guests were always an interesting bunch. I can remember one show that included Marilyn Manson, Florence Henderson, and two other guests. I don't remember who the other two were, but I do remember that one of them was a religious nut-job, and I say that in the nicest way possible. It was quite a sight to see Manson sitting there calmly trying to debate said nut-job and Mrs. Brady had to be the one to tell this lady to please be quiet and let the young man have a chance to speak. Surreal!Anyway, Maher covers most of the same ground he did in his previous book and on his show. In fact, he admits in the foreword that the longer, more "philosophical" pieces are basically straight from the show, although not all made it to air. The short musings are funnier, in my humble opinion, and they are definitely short. This is the sort of book that you can pick up and digest little nuggets, akin to the evil McDonald's Chicken Nuggets that Maher likes to make you feel bad about eating. Prime example (and one near & dear to my heart, as I am now a rebel at the ripe old age of almost 44!) Tat Patrol: Now that everyone has a tattoo, it will now be considered rebellious to not have a tattoo. Seriously. I think the Jonas Brothers have tattoos now. I'm sure Mitt Romney is all inked up. Betty White has one across her back that says "F**k the Police" - that I know for sure.Now, as funny as I found a lot of Maher's musings, I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed with him at times, too. He's turned into the "super-left" guy, just as Dennis Miller has turned into the "super-right", and I find that sad. Yes, the Republicans have screwed up things in this country - but so have the Democrats. Yes, there should be higher taxes to help get us out of the national debt, and definitely yes, corporations that manage to pay absolutely no taxes each and every year need to be stopped. But the Democrats went mad with power when they were in the majority, and rather than trying to help the country a little, they "helped" us a lot - and a lot of us really didn't deserve such help. I am all for lending a helping hand, but I grew a bit tired of watching the Democrats give us all handouts. I do agree with Maher when he asks what has happened to us as a country; he feels that we've become too accustomed to sitting around and waiting for the government to "save us". Well, guess what folks? Congress is nothing more right now than a huge daycare full of 2-year-olds that need a nap and refuse to agree on anything. It's going to be up to us, the citizens, to pull ourselves out of this mess - and that won't happen if we're squalling right along with the Big Boys.All in all, a fun read. But I do wish we'd see a little more "middle" humor from our comedians, because I truly believe that's where most Americans stand - in the middle.

  • Kerrie
    2019-05-30 11:36

    It's Bill Maher, so expect lots of crass jokes about porn, masturbation, marriage, and of course the incisive comments about religion and politics. I haven't listened to the Real Time podcast for nearly a year now due to my iPod dying (and not buying another one) so this was a welcome fix. These "new rules" extend back to 2005, some were not used for the show, but many were familiar. The revisits of some of his longer commentaries at the end of the episode had me nodding my head all over again. I don't agree with him on a few things (for being a skeptic, he's unskeptical on a couple topics) but for the most part what he has to say is on the mark and funny.Searching for porn statistics: "...statistics on porn are hard to come by mainly because when you do a Google search for them you end up looking at porn, and suddenly, it’s 3 hours later and the dog is starving."On the hypocrisy of Evangelicals: "New rule: if you're a Christian who supports killing your enemies and torture, you have to come up with a new name for yourself....And not to put too fine a point on it, but nonviolence was kind of Jesus' trademark. Kind of his big thing. To not follow that part of it is like joining Greenpeace and hating whales. There's interpreting, and then there's just ignoring.It's just ignoring if you're for torture - as are more evangelical Christians than any other religion. You're supposed to look at that figure of Christ on the cross and think, 'How could a man suffer like that and forgive?' Not, 'Romans are pussies, he still has his eyes!'"

  • Paul Dinger
    2019-05-23 08:24

    I love the show Real Time with Bill Maher. I have watched the show since it started. However, I have found that in the last few years a certian angry cyncism has crept in. This cyncism is best exemplified by the title, "How Everyone but me has their head up their ass". The trap of sarcasm is that while it is funny to poke your noses at everyone, it isn't when you never shine that light on yourself. The first New Rules had a leavening of self awareness to it, this book doesn't. It is simply a tirade of how stupid the world is and how stupid he isn't. It just get old and fast. That and the choppy New Rules while funny onscreen just falls flat on the page, especially when a lot of it does cry out for more commentary. Yet when he does, it becomes more and more hopless meandering of who stupid everyone is. You know Voltaire thought the world was stupid and yet his Candide is one of the most readable books there is. So, New Rule: Those who think they are smarter and better than everyone else should be ready to prove it, to just say it over and over again makes one wonder how much you really believe it.

  • Velma
    2019-05-28 04:33

    I'm not sure Maher likes women much, and he's a bit fixated on his junk, but this chinese-food of humor (you know: yummy, but you're hungry again an hour after ingesting) is entertaining as all get-out, and I'd totally be Tweeting these piths if I didn't think I'd receive a cease-and-desist from Maher's stable of attorneys. Like it's predecessor, The New Rules, this one is structured as a set of Maher's humorous observations about modern life. This smart, acidic, and hilariously off-color collection of pieces is a quick and entertaining read. I particularly enjoyed the longer, more political editorial essays sprinkled throughout. I think Maher writes from an if-I-don't-laugh-I'll-slit-my-wrists perspective, and it really comes out in these scathing indictments. Also: Best. Forward. EVER.Be careful where you read this book, though: if you don't like laughing aloud in public, or you are in the closet about using your brain, be sure to read it in the safety and comfort of your own home.And although I think he'd tell me to fuck off for saying so: Maher for President in 2016!

  • Cathy
    2019-06-09 11:31

    It case it isn't really obvious, if you don't like politically incorrect humor then you should not read this book. The book is a combination of short "new rules," jokes, some new and some that have appeared on Real Time, and the longer essays (a page and a half or so) that Bill uses to close the show at the end of the New Rules segment each week. I always thought the longer segments were the best part of the show, and seeing them here reinforces that. The short New Rules are sometimes laugh-out-loud funny, often offensive, frequently frivolous, sometimes clever. But the long essays are almost always ironically thoughtful, sarcastically insightful and just smart. He has them in chronological order, so reading the book felt like a little history lesson, a reminder of some of what went on over the past few years. if you're a fan of Bill's or of Real Time then you're sure to like this book. If you like off-color humor, give it a try for the short jokes. And if you like thoughtful political analysis, give it a try for the essays. 

  • Rebecca
    2019-06-02 04:24

    Some of the rules will make you think. Others will make your blood boil. The vast majority of them will make you laugh.Warning: do not read too many passages at once or you'll risk wetting your pants.Highly recommended for left leaning liberals.

  • Tim
    2019-06-18 12:46

    If you're a fan of Bill Maher, you'll enjoy new, new rules anecdotes. 9 of 10 stars

  • John
    2019-05-25 05:45

    I really enjoyed this very funny book.

  • Janice Hurley
    2019-05-18 04:49

    love the book.

  • Victoria
    2019-05-25 08:44

    Even though we don't always see eye to eye on every topic, I still appreciate the candor and humor he employs while making his point.

  • Michelle
    2019-06-10 07:22

    Bill Mahr is not afraid to say the politically incorrect things we think! Loved the book for it's smartass humor and political/social commentary.

  • Matthew
    2019-05-27 05:36

    Listened to both of his books while working today. If you like the show, you'll like these. If you can't stand Maher...stay away. I don't agree with everything he says and I think his smug levels reach dangerous highs, but I'm always for someone who will speak their mind despite the consequences. I'll always choose the show over the books because I appreciate the mix of guests on his panels, but these were good substitutions.

  • Fishface
    2019-06-06 04:26

    This one was so funny that although I borrowed it from the library, I'm going to buy myself a copy. It even made me forget for a couple of hours that someone filed a phony tax return with the IRS this year, using my name. Don't miss this one. It came out a few years ago now, but Maher accurately forecasts all the problems we are having now with the Real Estate Broker In Chief.

  • Emily
    2019-05-28 08:45

    It would be kind of stupid for me to rate this book seriously because I was always going to love it. So instead, enjoy a few of my Top Ten New New Rules, in no particular order(#5 is my favorite):1)If you're an adult and you go to the Justin Bieber movie by yourslef and you're not a film critic, you have to reigster as a sex offender.2)Bristol and Levi have to get back together. Come on, you two. You made the baby, fell out of love, and now it's act three of every horrible Katherine Heigl movie ever. It's the last scene, Bristol is plodding through one of her abstinence speeches. Suddenly, Levi appears in the back of the room and Bristol says, "Screw this! I love you, and I love sex!" The embrace, and the audience goes wild as they realize abstinence is just a big stupid joke in a world where you can wear a condom and fuck all you want. The end.3)Scientists must explain why we will stop and watch a movie on cable even though we own that exact same movie on DVD and could watch it anytime we want. I call it Shawshank syndrome, and I've realized DVDs are a lot like marriage. When it's there every single night just sitting right in front of you...for some reason, you don't feel like putting it in. 4)If your minister says being gay is bad, or a sin, or an evil temptation, or has any opinion on it stronger than "Who gives a shit?" then your minister is gay.5)For at least the next generation, the Crocodile Hunter clan has to leave nature alone. This week, the late Steve Irwin's youngest son was bitten by a boa constrictor. Authorities don't know exactly what went wrong, but they think the accident might have happened when a bunch of idiots let a four year-year-old fuck around with a giant snake. 6)Your list of scary movies to watch on Halloween has to include scary movies. The Birds isn't that scary. It's ridiculous. The Blair Witch Project? That's two hours of watching people get lost in the woods, followed by motion sickness. You want to see a real scary movie? Try Jesus Camp.7)(in reference to Cosmopolitan magazine)There aren't 101 sex tricks. In fact, ladies, there's only one- it's called a blowjob. Do it 101 times. 8)Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist domination immediately. Listen closely, comrades. I've recieved word from General Soros and our partnets in the UN- Operation Streisand is a go. Markos Moulitsas, you and your Daily Kos- controlled army of gay Mexican day laborers will join with Michael Moore's Prius tank division north of Branson, where you will seize the guns of everyone who doesn't blame America first, forcing them into the FEMA concentration camps. That's where ACORN and I will re-educate them as atheists and declare victory in the War on Christmas. 9)If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry, Reverend, that's one of those "services" that goes along with "paying in". I'll use the fire department I pay for. You can pray for rain.10)Sweden must take a ten-year break from creepy detective novels. Just to replenish your stock of dead women. Your country is smaller than Ohio. You can't all be sex murderers, sex-murder victims, politicians covering up sex murders, or alcoholic detectives haunted by childhood memories of sex murders. If you're all dead or drunk, who's gonna make the shitty furniture that breaks when you sit on it?

  • Steven Clinton
    2019-05-21 08:44

    Exceptional book full of Bill's hilarious jokes including jokes about politics. I would reccomend to any mature reader who wants to laugh at the chaos of this book

  • Andrew Krafick-Wittman
    2019-06-11 09:25

    New Rule: Now that I have to sit and write a book report about Bill Maher's "New, New Rules" I think someone should write the report on why I dropped out of high schoolBill Maher has a funny look at the world around us. Maher is a comedian and hosts a political talk show called "Real Time: Bill Maher" On HBO. He is multi nominated for the Primetime Emmy award and Won the Primetime Emmy award in 2013. Maher is known for his controversial views and not being afraid to bring reality to topics many people "wouldnt talk about at a dinner table". Such topics include, same sex marriage, religion, politics, and social issues. In 2003 Bill Maher made a movie called "Religilous" showing how ridiculous religion is to him. In the movie he goes around to various places to give a show case of most religions and the tenets. Afterward he debunks them. Bill Maher grew up from a Christian and Jewish family, but disbanded due to his parents not making up their mind. Bill Maher could be considered a face for atheism. He is a devout democrat and donated 1 million dollars to Obama's Campaign in 2012. However, even with Bill Maher's headstrong views and support for the left liberal side of things, he respects and listens to Republicans with an open mind, and opens up his table for discussion. The talks aren't debates, they are talks. And Bill Maher has been known to ridicule the Democrats harshly. So even with Bill Maher being for the Democrats he goes off his own views.In the book "The New, New Rules" by Bill Maher it gives excerpts of how he feels about such topics. Every line starts out with "New Rule:" and it just sort of goes from there. Its really interesting to step out of your comfort zone and take a look at someone elses view on little topics from people that shop at Whole Foods, to shirtless protestors, to economic downfalls. It may even change your perspective about events that occur in your life every day.For people that enjoy cutting humor, and controversial theories and topics, this book is for you.

  • Not_Ruined
    2019-05-24 05:44

    It was funny and true.

  • Angel
    2019-06-14 06:29

    Mr. Maher is definitely in top shape with this book. Now, a few out there may say he is too cynical, but let us be honest: the man says what needs to be said regardless of who gets offended. If as a society, we took a lot of his advice, things would probably be a lot better, but that would require people to get off their couches, get the big sticks out of their asses, and actually do something. At the end of the day, much of this is common sense, or it would seem common sense if people still had any common sense left. He does great takes and provides views on just about every topic under the sun without pulling any punches. If you like to think, if you like to have a laugh now and then, and you appreciate people who tell it like it is, this is the book for you. If it offends you, or you think Mr. Maher is just too negative, too cynical, or so on, you are probably one of the ones with their heads up their asses. Only reason I did not rate it higher was a couple of the longer pieces did seem a bit too long, especially that one on Rick Perry, although, to give the author credit, what he says about Perry is certainly true, and it seems a bit prophetic now that Perry is gone from the GOP primaries. This is a pretty good book to read now during the Elections season.

  • Janet Morris
    2019-05-18 05:28

    If you've ever watched Real Time with Bill Maher, then you are probably familiar with Bill Maher's segment toward the end of each show called New Rules. This book is a collection of New Rules, including both the short ones and some of the longer comedic essays. Of course, with all things Bill Maher, you have to expect the politically charged brand of humor that he is quite famous for. This book does not disappoint. It is filled with that irreverent, yet informed style that he has become so famous and hated for. There are times when some might feel that he crosses a line, but it is never anything worse than what you could see weekly on his show. And he jokes about people on both sides of the political spectrum.The book is arranged alphabetically by joke name, so it is easy to keep up with where exactly you are. Most of the names for the jokes give a pretty big clue about what it will be about. The essays are in order of when they appeared on the series, with the oldest ones coming in the front of the book. It is an extremely easy read and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who just is having one of those days when they need a laugh to get through the day.

  • Joel Gomes
    2019-06-07 09:47

    Real Time with Bill Maher and its ending segment New Rules would not be known in Portugal were it not for YouTube and file-sharing. Yes, I know file-sharing is illegal. The same way embezzling, deceiving and outright stealing is illegal. Yet, we see Governments performing such acts, so who's to blame? This is a rhetorical question - I don't really care who's to blame on this issue, as long as that someone isn't me.What I really want to mention is the intelligence and the wit behind many of these rules. True fact: it's possible you won't agree with many of them. It's also possible that some of them won't make any sense at all to you. The word you're looking is "context". Without "context" you won't be able to understand some of the things Bill Maher writes about. Which is perhaps one the best qualities of this book: not only it entertains and amuses you, it also incites you to do research about a particular subject. And then... "Oh... so that's what he meant... I don't get it."New Rule: read this.

  • Kayla Cagan
    2019-06-10 04:26

    If you are a Bill Maher fan or follower, you will dig this collection of his "New Rules." The book is written by Mr. Maher and his comedy writers, and it's true to the voice he shares in his HBO show, REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER. His jokes attack all of the weird things going on in our global culture these days, and he doesn't comment solely on politics. When he does get political, he's at his best. He's sharp and insightful, taking a razor to the fatty politics that leave so much of us discontented, confused, and bemused. These jokes and his longer essays are as good as what's on his show. These aren't unused leftovers because they weren't witty enough for the audience -this is addressed in the Foreword- these are the bits that were cut because they ran out of time on a show or a bigger current event usurped the previous jokes and there had to be quick rewriting in the process.If you like the show, you will not be disappointed by the book.

  • Christopher
    2019-05-21 04:45

    The brief new rules are fun and many are very clever. However, what Maher has to say in the short essays (collected from the end of his shows) should get a broader audience. His views on income inequality, the importance of parenting to education, and the absence of any real political left may not be shared by all but will probably not offend because no one is talking about them in any real and meaningful way -- but we should.This book will likely be viewed from afar as simply a comedian making some jokes. Scratch the surface just a bit, though, and you will find some very sharp social and political criticism. Too bad the pot and Jesus jokes will scare many away. There is a lot here that should be shared.

  • Cindy
    2019-05-24 04:39

    I really underestimated what Bill personally brings to New Rules. Watching him deliver these lines--especially the editorials--on HBO is wayyyyy funnier than reading this book, at least for me.There was a time when he seemed to get just a little too smug and a little too self-satisfied; it made me wince. And he really does need to retire the lame arts and crafts portion of his show. But I never stopped watching him. When times got very bleak--seriously, Bush twice? Not to mention present circumstances--he provides comfort and commiseration with humor. He'll always be politically incorrect. He is the first to admit he is a comedian first. Now back to the book: there are gems in here, for sure, but I'm going to check out the audio book. I might have to add s star or two.